It’s kind of hard to describe my life for the last few months, so I’m not going to. I despise things that are hard to do. Even kind of hard things, which are essentially half easy. And if I choose to look at it that way, I still don’t want to do it. (Sometimes I try Jedi mind tricks on myself, too. I think I’m immune. But I can move spaceships with my mind. Bring me one and I’ll show you. Preferably an X-wing fighter. Otherwise no guarantees.)
So what are you doing for Christmas? I’ll be having the flu. Just kicked it off today. I’m very, very excited. I’m hoping it will be as good as the one I had at Thanksgiving, which I only made it through because no one would honor my request to hit me with a hammer. If someone had, I wouldn’t be getting sick again OR having to Christmas shop. That’s some BS right there. Whatever.
I really don’t get it. I do all the right things. I eat, sleep, don’t drink water (or “bacteria accelerant” as I like to call it) and attack any foreign viral agents with a steady stream of nicotine and carbon monoxide. What can live through that? Certainly not me. I’m the most inhospitable host ever. I’d hate to be inside me. Just ask my kidneys. They’ll tell you.
All I’m saying is that I apply the science. Exercise is just mileage, people. I’ve only got so many items left in my life I can pick up. I refuse to waste those lifts on things I don’t need to carry somewhere.
Think about it. You and I might be in the woods and you break your leg. What if I can’t carry you home because I threw away all my lifts in the gym? I’m doing this for you. With that, Merry Christmas. (Boom. I just got something for everyone. Christmas shopping done.)
As a banner year at The Dip comes to a close, the promise of a great 2018 comes with it. Of course, the always epic New Year’s Eve party is almost here and followed by the always memorable bubble spa party. The fun never stops at Serendipity Park.
I truly hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and the best 2018 ever!