Happy New Year!

Goodbye 2019!! And good riddance!! Sheesh. Stupid year. Whatever.

With 2020, I feel a new hope. And I’ve made some resolutions.

  1. No setting myself on fire.

Ok that’s the only one. I like to shoot for goals I can actually reach. I figure I’ve got a 40% shot.

You’re probably saying 25 percent and I know you’re right, but I’m trying to be more positive this year. And you should be, too, because that’s just rude! (This year’s resolution was almost don’t yell at people but I went with the fire thing. I can only do one per year. Here’s last year’s list: 1. Only one resolution this year.)

So how have you been? Click here to offer feedback

Did you try to click on it? HAHAHAHAHAHA! That never gets old for me. I’ll be honest. I’m so glad I didn’t pick that as my resolution of not to do to people. But seriously, that’s not really the kindest thing and I’m sorry. Click here to tell me how you really feel.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

You’re probably saying, “Please reconsider your fire resolution” and that would be fair. Wouldn’t be the first time someone asked me to do that this year.

Speaking of resolutions, it’s time to make yours. Part of the reason I only make one for me is so I can make them for other people. That is my sacrifice. That said, here’s yours:

  1. Go to the Dip and have all kinds of fun. Like right now.

And like for me, I’ll keep it simple for you. It’s all you have to do this year! See how good at this I am? I make it so easy. You just do it, finally keep to that pesky resolution, then are fulfilled by feelings of accomplishment and self-worth. Boom. I don’t even need a thank you, but I do like money. And sandwiches.

Other things that almost made my resolution list but never will are:

  1. Stop telling people what to do.
  2.  Eat smaller sandwiches.
  3.  Stop asking people for sandwiches.
  4.  Sugar is delicious, but you have to stop now or you’re gonna die in an ugly way.
  5.  Watch less television, or at least stop watching the same movie over and over. Or if you can’t do that, stop being gripped by the suspense. I don’t even get it. I mean, you’ve seen it 42 times. Swayze pulls if off again! Why are you sweating? Man, you have an issue.

I could go on and on and I will, but in real life to people who can’t turn me off.

 

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