So I read the other day that Mercury is in retrograde and directly impacts my sign. Ever since, nothing is going right. I feel between Mercury being in retrograde and me knowing it, there’s no chance I’m okay.
I don’t even know what Mercury being in retrograde means, except my understanding that it turns normally sane humans into a-holes. Myself included.
For example, I’m just mad. I spent the 4th weekend sick instead of sliding on the giant water slide at the Dip. Did you do it? Don’t tell me. It will just make… Forget it. My head hurts. So mad at you. Make yourself useful. Fix Mercury.
I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to sound impatient. I’ll wait.
It’s not feeling fixed to me. Did you even do anything? Doesn’t seem so. Whatever. I’ll do it. No! I got it. Really. You just sit there and keep reading. It’s fine. I said I’ll do it.
See? It’s awful. I’m so sorry. It’s like I’m lashing out at everyone for no reason. Well, not everyone. I know I said “everyone” but it’s just a figure of speech. I’m not being literal. When I say “everyone” I obviously don’t mean everyone. That would be impossible. I mean, I’ll try if you really need my statement to be 100% accurate. Do you? Is that what you want from me? Fine. Right after I do YOUR job and fix Mercury. Be right back! (Slams door)
(Meekly steps back in) Okay, I admit that was a difficult task. I couldn’t even find it, much less figure out how to futuregrade it. I think that’s how you fix a retrograde. I’ll YouTube it. Why couldn’t you do that? See what I’m saying? Effort. Help me, help you (to help me).
Okay good work today. I feel like we made progress. Sorry for all that stuff I said about Mercury being your fault. I still feel like you could work a little harder at it, but I’m not here to judge. That would be wrong.
Anyone feeling like a little vacation? I know I am. Perhaps a little working vacation. I know this little place in the North Georgia mountains that’s far away from the obtrusive glow of the city lights. At night, it seems you can see the entire universe. Shooting stars and even satellites dance across the most amazing celestial backdrop. I’ve never seen a sky like it.
In that seemingly eternal darkness, you’ll find Mercury. Please fix it right this time.
When completed (after authorization from me) you can enjoy the plethora of activities that await you. After Mercury is fixed. That part is important. Stuart knows a ton of astronomy stuff. He can point you in the right direction.