Happy New Year!

I apologize for beginning almost every post with an apology, but I’ve simply not been able to sit and put together a cohesive thought for(ever) months. I can go into details, but they’re pretty boring. The ones I make up  on the fly are so much better. Watch this:

I fought a bear the other day. A talking bear. With a magic staff that shoots lasers. And I’m thinking, “Man, isn’t it tough enough that I’m fighting a bear? I have to disarm it, too? Whatever.” So that’s what I did. He’s lucky he could talk. Otherwise, no mercy. New cub on the way… Okay. I get it. The irony is it’s his mouth that got him out of the same trouble it got him into. No one calls me that. The magic staff stays with me, bear. Now shoo!

Oh. Happy New Year! Can you believe it’s 2019 already? Can you believe how many times you’ve heard, “Can you believe it’s 2019 already?”

How I handle this question:

Person: Can you believe it’s 2019 already?

Me: Yes.

Then I start backing away slowly, doing that thing where I point at my eyes, point at them and whisper, I’m watching you. It kills at parties. Probably. I really only do it in one-on-one situations when no one else is around. Might be funnier if other people were there. I don’t know. I think it’s funny. And when you get right down to it, isn’t that really what matters most? I think so.

So I’m locked out of Facebook, but I still get notifications in my email about recent happenings at the park and see a wealth of people chattering about how great the holidays were at the Dip. As usual. And sure, it’s cold, but that doesn’t stop the fun.

In fact, the winter events are some of the best in the entire season. And there’s fire, a big hot tub, a sauna… Comfy warmth in all sorts of places is readily available, along with the other benefits associated with being there (which are many).

I would like to jump on FB and talk to people about it, but I can’t. Whenever I try to recover my account, I have to confirm my own identity by correctly identifying the profile pictures of my friends.

The problem is it’s been so long since I’ve been on FB AND MANY OF THESE PEOPLE I’VE NEVER PHYSICALLY MET. And they’ve changed their profile photo a million times since I last participated. AND some of them aren’t even pictures of people. Example:

FB: Whose car is this?

Me: I don’t know.

FB: Ok, This flower represents one of 500 random people. What’s his/her name?

Me: I don’t know. I’m starting to hate you again.

FB: Sorry about that. One more. Who is this minotaur?

Me: I’m going now. Please add a middle finger button. Thanks!

So I give up. It’s not like needing a driver’s license (yet). I’ll deal with it when it becomes so. Stupid FB.

Anywho, if we run into one another, it will be here or at the park. Facebook is dead to me.

With that, here is the calendar of events which is absolutely packed. If you’re looking for the perfect getaway and get a break from the winter doldrums, I can’t think of a better place to go.

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