Total Eclipse (Of The Heart)

Several months back I agreed to something stupid that takes an enormous amount of my time. And I don’t even like it. Which means I spend a lot of my day doing things I don’t like to do.

Wahhhhh. Not looking for violins here. Too many of us are in this boat. More trying to explain why I’ve not been around as nearly as often as I’d hoped these past few months, because I know I’ve missed some of the best times ever (and people).

There was a time when I was a fixture at Serendipity. (A fixture that ate your food.) I had a real plan to live there forever, but stores and places like that still expect money in return for things. Whatever. I’ll figure it out.

The time I was able to get off this year was spent in Florida on some family business. If you’re planning a visit, you might want to bring some food. I’m pretty sure I ate most of what was there.

Did you catch Shark Week? That’s me in Florida. I just rush from cool spot to cool spot in search of anything I can put in my mouth that resembles food. I accidentally bit 3 surfers after mistaking them for seals. (The second and third really weren’t an accident. I had developed a taste for surfer.)

By the way, I do find it ironic that Shark Week seems to have the intention of educating me on why I shouldn’t be scared of sharks while terrifying me of them. They’ll explain how sharks are misunderstood. I think it’s because no one has sat down to talk to them. (Probably because they’ll eat your face.)

You see, I don’t think I misunderstand. I feel like sharks are thinking, “Food, food, food, food, food, is that food? Bite it.” That’s all I need to know. Thank you. All yours, sharks. I’ll go ahead and swim where you’re not.

And know where they’re not? That’s right! The pool at The Dip. Where this weekend they’ll be warming up for the total eclipse of the sun (and my heart because I won’t be there).

If you haven’t taken off Monday, do it! Tell your boss I said it was okay, and if he/she has any issues with that, tell them I’ll quit. Trust me. They don’t want a lose a man like me. You’ll be fine.

And from what I understand, the park is in the totality zone. Just think how many people will be looking at it, but how few will be looking at it while naked. Most couldn’t do that if they wanted to. (Take that, people in other public places that don’t allow nude eclipse viewing.)

Consider it a practice trip for the upcoming Labor Day weekend bash that’s guaranteed to rock your world. And when I say “guarantee,” I mean not in writing. (Except for that part where I wrote it, but I am insane and that will hold up on court. Not to mention how hard it would be to prove your world was not rocked. I’m just saying any guarantees expressed or implied are not that.)




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