Memorial Day!!

By now the fun is already beginning. The eve of Memorial Day weekend just happens to coordinate with the huge summer kick-off at the park.

I would have written about it earlier (even be there now), but the last couple of weeks have been like someone crapped on a pile of crap, crapped on it some more, then crapped on it, then gathered it up with salad tongs and chased me around with it while singing songs I hate.

But enough about me.

I say this a lot, but it’s only because I mean it a lot. This weekend will be awesome. And there’s no better way to begin the summer than by running around naked. Some people run around naked and drink beer, which is probably even more fun.

For me, I’m not really a beer drinker. I like my alcohol to be disguised with obscene amounts of sugar. I’ll even drink wine coolers, and those are for ladies. But that’s ok. I’ve often stated the security I have in masculinity, yet I also have equal security in my femininity. It takes some serious security in your masculinity to be secure in your femininity.

Here’s a great example: At some point I switched to body wash for the important task of washing my body. This used to be a job any soap would be qualified for. The only expectation I had for cleaning my skin is that I was doing it with something that foamed when combined with water. Alka Seltzer would have been fine.

When I did finally make the switch, any body wash fit the bill. It just had to say “body wash.” It could be handwritten on a bottle I found in the street. That’ll do, pig.

Now I find myself with some kind of exfoliating, herbal, flowery body wash that even says “beautiful” right on the bottle. And now I smell like an old lady when I get out of the shower. And I love it.

So there you have it. I smell beautiful now, and I’m okay with it. In my book, a man is more of a man if he can walk around smelling like a flower and still feel like a man, which I’ll admit is hard, but beauty takes work. Don’t forget that. Did I mention I’m watching fighting on TV right now? Just so you know.

You’re probably saying to yourself right now, “Man a shower sounds good.” That’s what I’m thinking. I just assumed we were thinking the same thing because we’re so much alike. Which means you almost must be thinking, “I wish I was at the Dip having the best time ever but I can’t get away from that guy with crap-filled salad tongs and now ‘Tip-toe through the tulips’ is stuck  in my head and it’s going to drive me insane.” I know. It will go away in a day or two. Just hang in there.

The other way to deal with it is a wonderful distraction. Playing games in or out of the sun, lounging by the pool with a good book or a book that’s really not good but you heard good things about it and now you’re disappointed but you can alleviate your disappointment because there are a bunch of other things to do, like water volleyball, kan-jam, hiking, great conversation with like-minded people… A virtual plethora of fun or relaxing options to fill a long weekend, all guaranteed to remove annoying songs from your head and replace them with memories of one awesome time. Not to mention get some much-needed relaxation for the exhaustion you now must be feeling reading the longest, most poorly constructed sentences ever.





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