I Have Some News

This Christmas is pretty weird. First, my air conditioning is on. Let’s start there.

I also haven’t had time to decorate, so basically, it’s like September in my world.  Merry September.

I haven’t shopped, I haven’t sent cards… I’ve pretty much done nothing to prepare. I might as well head down to Whoville and steal their presents.

I’m just kidding. I don’t even know where Whoville is and they didn’t do anything to me. (They know better than to draw first blood.)

I actually read some interesting information about Dr. Seuss today. As it turns out, you should, too. I’m not just going to tell you what I learned. That wouldn’t be fair. I did all the work.

I’m sorry. That’s not the holiday spirit. I’ll tell you. But you can’t say you heard it here or I’ll call you a liar and brand you insane. Here goes:

Dr. Seuss was not a real doctor. I’ll pause for you to take that in.

I was first inspired by his research on Sneeches, a troubled people divided by only a slight genetic difference. A very sad story. One that changed my entire perspective on Sneech society.

The good doctor’s work on cats in hats was groundbreaking, and none of us ever thought to call into question the validity of his hypotheses. But as I dig further, I’m starting to believe much of his science is fiction.

I know this is a bold accusation that could very well rock the foundation of our society. If nothing else, text books will need to be rewritten. (They hate when that happens so they’ll probably try to bury my theories like in the Will Smith movie where we learn that running full speed and smashing your head into other heads isn’t good for your head or the other heads. Who knew? Dr. Will Smith. A real doctor, unlike you know Whoville —>)

Anyway, I’m sorry to deliver this blow so close to Christmas, but the good news is you’ll probably be watching the Grinch this year through different lenses. I’m not sure he’s even real and knowing that takes some of the fear out of it for me.

I mean, I’m still going to set my Grinch traps, but that’s become more of a tradition than it is actual fear of that s.o.b. coming into my house and trying to take my presents. (Hear that, Grinch? I’m not playing. I will jack you up. I’m no Who pansy.)

Oh and before I forget, I’m not sure it’s okay to eat green eggs and ham. Sam I Am might have been onto something there. I’ve been preparing some for weeks. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I’m leaving now. My favorite documentary “The Princess Bride” is on. That Buttercup is quite a prize. The man in black is one lucky guy.

Before I go, I’d like to wish all my friends at the park (who, by the way, are probably the few who are happy about this weather) a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

And don’t forget, the New Year’s Eve party is coming and it’s always epic.






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