Despite the onset of the chilly weather, friends still gather regularly at the park. Not me, because I’m somewhere else, but I do miss everyone there.
Let’s forget about me for a second. (If that’s possible. I know I can’t.) Let’s talk about… You know what? I can’t. We’ll talk about me some more. This way none of us will be trying not to think about me and we can keep our focus.
So what have I been up to? Nothing. Work stuff. I don’t really feel like talking about it. I think the point I’m trying to make is I’m bored. And why am I bored? Because I’m not there.
The days in Cleveland, GA are beautiful right now. I could be throwing a Frisbee, running through the woods with my dog, enjoying the hot tub, talking with friends… All the stuff I’m not doing right now.
You know what I am doing right now? None of those things. I just told you. Remember, all focus on me. We don’t have time for recaps. There’s a Bruce Lee marathon starting.
I mean, I’m going to dvr it, but I have a lot to do before then. I have to arrange pillows… Ok that’s it but they have to be just right and it takes some time. I’m not just going to sit in a chair. It’s a MARATHON, people. Let’s try not to get all Judge Judy.
No more talking about me. I see this has taken an ugly turn and if there’s one thing I hate it’s people looking at me like I’m not the best ever. I am the Bruce Lee of watching Bruce Lee marathons. (Hi-ya!)
It took me a long time to figure out the pillow thing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in front of a tv all day and got up feeling stiff, achy and fatigued. Almost to the point I would regret having sat there all day.
But now that I have mastered the art, I can lie around and do nothing for days. Weeks even. And I feel great.
The trick is in the way you stack the pillows. Most people will… You know what? Visual is so much better. I did a YouTube video. Just click here.
If the link didn’t work it’s because there’s not really a video. I made that up. Sorry.
Did you really want to see a video on proper pillow placement for marathon-watching? That’s silly. There aren’t any. I looked. That’s why I had to come up with my own system. I’d tell you about it, but it’s proprietary.
The whole reason I’m enveloped in my secret comfort formula to watch the 4 best movies ever made is because I’m not at the park doing above mentioned Frisbee-ing, running through the woods, etc.
If I were to run through the woods where I am now, there’s a fair chance I would be eaten. (Welcome to Florida!)
My neighbor asked me the other day if I would mind if he shot the rattlesnake in my yard.
Not only do I not mind, I won’t leave the house until he does. Will someone bring me a sandwich or something? Just be careful.
If you do see it, remain calm, do not drop the sandwich or use it as any kind of weapon. You can use the 24 packs of Coke for that (bottles please).
If that doesn’t work, throw the big bags of assorted variety Hershey’s chocolates (you should have these in one of your hands, preferably both). The heavier the better. They hate those.
Speaking of candy, Halloween at Serendipity! It’s going to be awesome. And you can be there. Should be. (Unless you’re held captive in your home by reptiles.)