Around this time of year, people at the Dip start to say, “Hey, Where’s Mayo?” Then Stuey explains how the cold weather is the ninja smoke in which I disappear. So for those of you wondering, poof. I’m not there.
My issue more revolves around the fact that my cabin is more like a tent made of wood, or something built by beavers. And my tolerance for cold is much like my tolerance for panthers chewing on my legs. So poof. Like Batman, I’m gone.
No matter, the party will go on without me. (Like it usually does.) In fact, the schedule of events in the upcoming months is packed with awesome things. From what I understand, more stuff is going on at the Dip through the colder months than ever before. Not to mention the big upgrades like the on-premises nightclub.
There are also plenty of ways to warm your butt. A huge hot tub, roomy sauna and a big fire pit will do the trick. The Dip will be an oasis in an otherwise dreary, freezing land of desolation and despair. (Can you tell I hate the cold? I really do. I bet Batman hates being cold. The guy is covered from head to toe all the time. Have you ever seen Batman wearing a tank top? No. I’m just trying to make the case that we are mostly the same. And how do you know I’m not a billionaire who fights crime in the shadows of night? You don’t. It could be that I’m just not flashy about it. Frankly, I think Wayne is a little careless in the way he goes about protecting his super identity. I might even bring it up in the next meeting. I do need a butler, though. “Jeeves! Cheese sticks! And gas up the Mayomobile. Don’t forget to put chocolate milk in my thermos. You didn’t last time and you know I can’t battle injustice without my chocolate milk.” Then he’d say in that funny little accent I love, “Sorry, sir. Right away.” Then I would say, “And make sure the dvr is set up to record The Deadliest Catch. I thought I set up a series recording but I guess it didn’t take.” And he’d say, “Yes, sometimes you have to hit the confirm button. Did you do that?” And I’d be like, “I don’t know, Jeeves. I have a lot going on. Can you just do it or should I stay home and let crime take over the world tonight?” I love him, but sometimes I feel like I have to do everything.)
For those of you who don’t have a full agenda, here is the calendar of events.