Labor Day Weekend Is Here!

I’m a very busy man. Most days when I awaken, I have no idea what I’m going to do. Sometimes I do, but more often than not, I don’t do that and do something else.

For example, today I was supposed to do something worky… a chore, I think. But then I said to myself, “If I don’t build that makeshift jeep top for my golf cart today, it will never get done.”

So here we are, kids. Labor Day weekend. It’s upon us. 4 days of fun in the sun. The Sunper Bowl? (I like mixing words up. I’m not sure if I like this one, but my mind is on other things. I’m not your dancing word monkey. Get off my back!)

The crew has been busily preparing for what promises to be the best weekend ever here at the Dip. I’m excited. Are you excited? No? Listen, you and I need to get together and work on your attitude a little. Perhaps we can do it over a game of Kan Jam? I don’t want to tell you how to live your life… Wait. I do want to tell you how to live your life. I’m sorry. I say that a lot but I really do want to. And you should just let me. Let me do it for a week and see if you like it. Here’s what you should do today:

Ok, throw whatever is in your hand right now at the first guy you see.* Don’t worry. He deserves it. You are in the middle of something right now and he’s messing with your moment. He’s probably saying something like, “What the hell was that all about?” This is a common response. Just go with it. It’s a learning moment for both of you. Cherish it and hope he does the same. Be assertive and say, “I don’t need your crap right now.”

This is the first step in taking control of your life (except for this week, because I’ve got that). Ok I think that’s enough for today. Tomorrow we’ll start lesson 2, which is,”Mending fences and taking responsibility for hurting others.” By Friday, I assure you, you will be ready for some fun and relaxation.

So what’s in store? Stuart has more fun planned than you can imagine. Certainly more than I can handle. (That’s usually because I’m full of some type of cheese.) And as per usual, I’m sure the energy will be at its peak. If you’ve never been here, or have been here (I believe that covers everyone in the world), this would be the weekend to visit. (Whole world will not fit. Just FYI. You never know when everyone is going to start listening to you.)

Oh and I forgot to mention. I’ve got my own unveiling of a little project I’ve been working on these last 8 weeks. It is so dumb. Like, the dumbest thing ever. Though the people who have seen it really seem to love it. They’ll say things like, “Why?” and “You have too much time on your hands” and “Are you sure it won’t hurt people?” That’s when I know I’ve accomplished what it is I set out to do.

So remember, I get to tell you what to do this week. No cheating. If you stray from my direction, in any way, I cannot guarantee results.** I should also add that I’m not a doctor and you should probably consult one before getting on this program or any other.

* Do not throw things at people.
** I can’t guarantee results even if you listen to me. In fact, listening to me is a bad idea and no one should ever do it, including me, but I don’t have a choice.

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