So I was gone for several months and boy did they suck. I’m back now and enjoying myself immensely. This place is just so much fun, so relaxing, and you are simply doing yourself a disservice by not coming.
In fact, we’ve already set a record for new attendees. You know what that means? It means people are getting it. And you will, too.
The park looks so much different from when I left. Fresh paint, fresh gravel, new showers, new menu, etc. It was nice before, but now it’s… Nicer (I’m a writer). I was so impressed I had to get an exclusive interview with Stuart, the Czar of fun and other things. Let’s see what he has to say.
Mayo: I’ve been gone for a while. Things seem different. Different confuses me, so I have some questions.
Stuart: Totally understand man. Different can be unnerving. God, I hope they don’t do an un-nerving on Game of Thrones, I don’t think I could watch that. Anyhow, fire away, but first of all let me say the improvements you see are the result of a heck of a lot of people putting in a heck of a lot of hours getting this place fixed up. There’s more we want to do yet, but the folks who helped make this springtime spruce-up come to pass should be very, very proud, and I don’t have adequate words of thanks.
Mayo: The people here are amazing. The sense of community is like none I’ve ever felt. It inspires me to help, but not enough to actually do it. So I kept seeing this naked guy building some giant structure with a stage under it. I offered my assistance, he said “sure” and then I ran away. It looks done now so I think I’m in the clear. What’s it for?
Stuart: Yeah that. Well, Fergie had this idea to make a covered stage happen, so we wouldn’t be TOTALLY at the mercy of Mother Nature for music festivals and other stuff we haven’t thought of yet, you know, like stuff that we could do when we have a covered stage. Mother Nature and I are not exactly on the best of terms sometimes so it has to have a roof. Fergie had the idea, and then he raised the dough, rallied the donors and volunteers, made the calls and did the leg work with the county (and I am NOT getting started on THAT nightmare.) The naked guy you saw over there is Scott L, busily making it look awesome. The structure, I mean. In the final stages, he had lots of help too. The project’s close to done, just have to make sure we get enough electricity over there to power all the onstage awesome that’s going to happen.
Mayo: I saw all those guys helping! I offered my assistance, but I was pretty far away and I’m not sure I said it out loud. Scott, Fergie and all who helped deserve a big round of applause, for sure. Speaking of Fergie, I see him walking around with a bag of money and giving people tickets. It’s hard to trust a naked man with a bag of money and tickets. Are we putting in a rollercoaster? Because that would be awesome. I’ll definitely help build that.*
* I won’t help.
Stuart: Yeah, strangely enough, the county guy had NO PROBLEM with a rollercoaster. He said we didn’t even need a sewer permit for it. Then he got on the phone and whispered for a really long time. Actually Fergie has got the tickets for the raffle, you can trust him, he’s at least 93% likely to be 99% legit most of the time. The drawing was held Independence Day weekend. That raffle will finish off the Artman Theater construction. After that, we’ll continue to hold raffles and other summer contests to raise funds to make Beach Ball 3 the transcendent music festival it is destined to be. I’m sure Nostradamus must have obscurely mentioned it somewhere in dubiously vague terms.
Mayo: Well the stage looks fantastic and the raffle thing sounds great. I’ll be rethinking mugging him. (No promises, though.)
So that concludes part 1 of what will continue to be a very exciting interview with important updates like, “Will there be a TV Show?” (Probably not. Crap. I just gave it away.)