We have an emergency preparedness meeting at the park tonight and I’m pretty excited about it. I’m assuming we will be talking about how to prepare for emergencies, and that’s great, because I have long had some concerns about what we would do if the worst happens.
I think I’m even going to get some kind of responsibility, which should terrify those who depend on me. I would ask for something that plays to my emergency strengths like running away as fast as I can and screaming like a little girl.
I’m just kidding. Running when you have a car is silly, so let’s just hope I’m near that when it all goes down.
In all seriousness, this is… serious. Emergencies are no joke. If they were, they would be called “jokes”. And preparedness is important, because everyone will need to know how to stay out of my way.
Ok, really seriously this time. I’d like to thank Rick for coordinating this, but most of all, for serving pizza.
There are also some things I’d like to discuss. I’m not paranoid, but I have my own concerns about what we’d do in the case of common emergencies. I’ve made a list.
1. Locust attack
I’m tired of living in fear of this. Being swarmed by locusts sounds awful. It’s not like I’ve seen any locusts around here, but in “The Mummy” they came out of nowhere. What will we do, Rick? I can’t be the only one concerned about this.
2. What if Aaron Hernandez texts us and asks us to go out with him and a couple of friends?
I say we don’t answer it. Maybe if we ignore him he’ll just go away. If he persists I’m thinking we say something like, “Oh… no. Thanks, man. We’re really tired so we were just going to stay in tonight and play some video games.” Then we evacuate.
3. Tidal wave
I think we should keep a close eye on the animals for this one. If they start running up a hill, I suggest we follow them.
4. Nuclear reactor explosion
I don’t know if we have a nuclear reactor. I’ve looked around but I’m not sure what one looks like. I just assumed we had one. We need to make sure that doesn’t explode.
5. Alien attack
I got this.
6. A battle for middle-earth ensues, an army rises with the assistance of an evil white wizard and we have the last ring.
I think I should hold the ring. It’s not that I’m the only capable one… I’m just saying I should hold it. I want to hold the ring. Let me hold it! I might not be the biggest guy here, but you’re supposed to give the ring to the small guy.
7. What if there isn’t enough pizza tonight?
I’m shuddering a little. I don’t like to think about this one, but you can’t shy away from these things. You have to accept that, sometimes in life, there will not be enough pizza.
I think that’s it. I imagine this stuff will be covered, because I really can’t think of any other things and these seem to be no-brainers.
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