Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah

Stupid rain. The skies have been draining on us for a few days now, and they’re stupid and I hate them. I want to be outside playing frisbee and stuff.

I shouldn’t complain, but I’m going to.

In that way alone I am celebrating my freedom. I can get on the internet and complain about things. Watch this:

I watched Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters the other night and I want that time back. If I got it back, I would use it more wisely. For example, I might hit my fingers with a hammer or take a honey bath and dive through a picture window onto fire ants.

I’m sorry if you’ve seen the movie and liked it. I’m sure I watch several things you would think are a waste of time. Like right now I am watching Shrek Forever After, which in and of itself is not a waste of time, but when you’ve seen it 12 times and are not 4 years old, it can be considered, I guess, MAYBE, a waste of time. I’ll give you that.

But you know what? That is another way I’m celebrating my freedom. I can choose to sit here and watch an animated movie for the 13th time, and though I should be arrested for wasting my life, I can’t be. Ha.

Another thing I can do is play frisbee naked, but I would consider that the exact opposite of wasting time. If there were ever a way to make the most of your time, naked frisbee is it.

You could argue that fact. Like me, you are free to offer your two cents in the comment section and yell and scream and say nasty things, but I will delete your comment. Ha.

What’s ironic is I am free not to provide a forum for you to be a meanie. Ha.

I’ve actually only ever received one negative comment here, and after writing a 4 chapter, maniacal response, I just decided to delete it. Poof. Like it never even happened.

There was a period when I spent a good bit of time arguing with people over the internet, and I was pretty good at it.  When I finally realized there was no trophy or the best you could hope for your efforts was some mook in Kansas saying, “I see your point,” I decided the hours spent weren’t worth the payoff. Especially when you’re arguing about the best type of cheese for frying.

I’m like, “Gouda? No way gouda is better than mozzarella! When have you gone to a restaurant and seen fried gouda sticks on the menu? Are you a communist? Whatever, comrade.”

There was a time in this country when you called someone a communist he was in some big trouble. And honestly, at the time, I wouldn’t have minded someone charging into that guy’s house and putting him in a sack. I’m pretty sure that’s what I was trying to accomplish, actually, but that’s because I am wildly immature and watch too many mov…

Wait a minute…

It stopped hailing,

guys are swimming,

guys are sailing,

playing baseball,

gee that’s better,

muddah faddah kindly disregard this letter.

Happy 4th of July! Let the games begin!

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5 responses to “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah

  1. I love it….just keep writing!

  2. We have some veteran Midnight Kan Jammers in the park chomping at the bit for another round, folks we don’t see very often but they do remember the MKJ. Of course we will have to wait until such time as SCUBA gear is not required in order to play. Right now the court could be used as a set for Sea Hunt. Can a disc fly under water? I’m going to research that. But it’s all sand and the waters will dissipate quickly. Then we should build a giant sand mound and call it New Arrarat. Maybe plant a little logo flag at the summit and then race golf carts back down to base camp. The point is, great post, and thanks for warning me off Hansel & Gretel. I was going to watch that. Now I’ll just watch Jack the Giant Slayer instead, unless you tell me it’s also a waste of time in which case I’ll just come borrow Shrek. I’ll trade you Borat for it

  3. My queen is redecorating our bedroom since the rain is keeping indoors. At least we’re naked and of course I’m helping by staying out of the way.

  4. You should eat Gouda at room temp. You have to savor that. Mozzarella is great for frying because your butter adds such a depth that mozzarella lacks and fresh is almost half water so it make a wonderful cacophonous noise as it becomes crisp, a splash of white wine at the end and, . . . but it’s been raining and I digress . . . Sorry we didn’t stop and say hello but we were taking those downpour-free few minutes to visit some folks who invited us to lunch (I was still late).

    Stay dry my friend.

    Tim

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