All Work And No Play…

I don’t know what it is about creepy little girls, but they might be the scariest thing you can put in a horror movie.

Remember them?

“Would you like to play with us?”

Not only would I not like to play with you, I would like to wash my brain so it never thinks about you ever again.

If I’m faced with this scenario, I figure I’ll take out the one on the left first because she’s a little bigger. I also don’t trust that smile.

I feel like the other one would be okay if not for the influence of the big one. I think you take care of biggie, the smaller one disappears and is far less likely to go scaring innocent hallway motorists.

Think about it. You’re just cruising around on your big wheel, having a nice conversation with your finger, looking for a place to paint your next reversed, ominous message in red paint, then BAM!

I say grow a pair and hit the throttle, Danny.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s a little easier to play Monday morning quarterback in this situation, and sure, maybe they are ghosts, but you can’t let people intimidate you. You need to show them who’s boss and ramming their girly little ghost shins with a hard plastic wheel will go a long way in earning a little respect. You could have also flicked a lit cigarette butt at them and said something cool like, “There’s a new caretaker in town.” That’s just what I would have done.

You were going through a tough time so I’m not going to give you much grief. I mean, you were clearly having some issues.

1. Your mom was pretty annoying…

“I don’t know… sometimes I feel like he just wants to murder me with an axe.”

2. Your dad was hanging out in bars and making out with decaying women…

“Hells yeah!”

3. Your best friend was part of your hand…

“One more word and you’ll get the nose again.”

4. And your other friend… well…

“Maybe I should just stay in tonight…”

You were having a bad week. I get it. Just file this advice away in case it comes up again.

A friend of mine joked that my last few posts mentioned what a long winter it’s been. Yeah. When I start writing about Shelley Duvall, I’m usually ready for the warm weather, and it’s here! Today I walked outside without clothes on for the first time since… I don’t know… it dropped below 70? I might have mentioned I get chilly like a woman. (No offense, women.)

Ladies and Gentleman, it’s time to have some fun in the sun!


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