I Like Making Things

There are so many awesome things I plan to build and will likely never build. I want to be the guy who says, “I need a building right over there. Off to Lowe’s.”

Being this guy also requires the willingness to learn the proper way to…. booooooooooorrrrrring. Are you still talking about levels and degrees? Just hand me the saw, please. It doesn’t have to be structurally sound. I’m not a perfectionist.

It’s not that I’m not handy or without some skills. I can hammer all sorts of things; wood, toaster ovens… basically whatever’s broken.

I often think about the man who built my house with nothing more than the chassis from a formerly smoldering rv, landscaping timbers, and a dream.

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I’m sure he pictured himself by a serene lake, taking hot showers with his solar heated water and watching the game using electricity generated by the windmill he so brilliantly designed.

I don’t think he was thinking, “One day, I will build this awesome thing for some naked man to sleep in. Yes. That is what I will do.”

It was about 85% complete and, for whatever reason, he abandoned the project just before it was finished. No matter. I would pick up his slack and do the rest. Eventually. When I get around to it. (It’s maybe 87% there now, but I live in a vacation resort so get off my back, okay? What are we married? Sheez.)

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I like to believe in some karmic way that something I once loved is now in the hands of the man who built my home and that he’s super happy.

I’ve lost all sorts of cool things over the years. I don’t even understand where they go. Well, I guess I understand where a lot of it went. (Clears throat, points at numerous women with my stuff.) Just kidding, ladies (shakes fist).

So now let’s talk about the things I want to begin building and sell incomplete for substantially less than I’ve invested.

Boat car

Some men dream of power, riches, fame,  and a harem of women. I dream of driving my car to the Bahamas. I think about this more than I would like to admit and I’ll admit to a lot. I even have a car picked out for it. The plan involves plastic bottles… that’s pretty much it. I’m still working out the science.

amphicar-edit

Houseboat

If you’re starting to get the feeling I like water, you are soooo wrong. I love it. I was jealous of Kevin Costner in Waterworld. He had an awesome boat, gills, a tomato plant, crayons, a harpoon gun for pirate emergencies… what more can a man want?

kevincostner_edited-1

So yeah, I’m going to build a houseboat. The plan involves plastic bottles… that’s pretty much it. I’m still working out the science.

Houseboatcarhoverjet

This is way earlier in the development stages, but I got this idea from the aircraft carrier in The Avengers and it seemed to work pretty well. I’ll have to admit this one’s going to be tougher and more like a “fifteen year plan” type of thing. You reach a point in your life where you become more realistic about your goals/capabilities.

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So that’s it. I really just wanted to tell you the story about how when it’s windy, the windmill on my roof sounds like a train is rolling over my house, but my aspirations often distract me.

You see, I’m not sure the crazy man who built this place used a windmill. It’s more like a propeller from a military cargo plane.  The cabin is mobile and I believe the windmill itself was designed to spin as you pull your house down the road, which you’ll pretty much need a cargo plane to do. It weighs more than Saturn.

But be it ever so humble, there’s no place like box.

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One response to “I Like Making Things

  1. Put me down for one of those boat cars. Definitely red.

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