Dirty Santa

So this Saturday is the annual Christmas party and I’m pretty excited about it. We do this thing called “Dirty Santa” and while you might think that “dirty” denotes something that is… not clean, it’s just a gift exchange game where you can keep a gift, trade it for someone else’s gift… I’m not sure exactly how it works. I just know you can have something really cool and someone else can take it in return for something you don’t what want, hence the name, “Dirty Santa.”

I was talking to Stuey about it, and as usual, he is a flurry of activity preparing for this weekend’s event. One of the things he does is prepare some Christmas jokes. I saw this as an opportunity to truly help out, because as you know, I fancy myself a bit of a joke writer. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Why does Rudolph have a red nose?

Because he’s claymation. 

What’s the difference between the Easter Bunny and Santa?

The Easter Bunny is a rabbit.

How many elves does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three.

Santa, a priest, and a construction worker walk into a bar. The construction worker says, “I need to get some new friends. This is too weird.”

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Santa.

Santa who?

Seriously?

(silence)

Knock knock knock knock.

I’m calling the police.

That’s really not cool. I’m just trying to bring your kids some presents.

We’re Jewish. 

Oh… is this 142 East Parrish?

No this is West Parrish. East Parrish is 2 blocks down.

Crap. I’m sorry. Have a good evening. Ummm… Happy Hanukkah. Blitzen! That’s the third time tonight! We don’t have time for these reindeer games!

(reindeer snickers)

Why did Santa cross the road?

To get to East Parrish. 

Okay that’s the best I can do on short notice. If you’re planning to come, that would be awesome. I will be there and plan on taking your cool gift for myself. It’s only fair that I warn you. After all, it is Christmas.

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3 responses to “Dirty Santa

  1. Santa who? Just sprayed hot coffee out my nose, thanks a pant-load

  2. As ususal, u guys are too damn funny….thanks for bringing a smile after a lovely long and I do mean long day and week. Spread the cheer guys!!!! Greg

  3. Sorry, can’t comment just now, still groaning… 😉

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