Yo Yo Yo, welcome to this edition of Nudist Park Cribs. Today we’re going to give you an inside look at the massive one-room, 142 square foot palace nestled near the base of the tallest free-standing mountain in Georgia.
I could look up the name of the mountain, but I’m pressed for time and I’m sure Stuey will remind me when I get there. And if you don’t know what it is, you can ask him, too. It’s pretty. And it’s tall.
When I first arrived at Serendipity Park nudist resort, I had stayed in a small camper I had restored and quickly decided it was a little too small. I was going to be spending more time there than I had originally anticipated (which is most of my time since) and I needed a little more space.
Sure, 72 square feet of floor space filled with attached modular furniture, cabinetry and supplies is plenty for anti-gravity situations, prisons, and for those who like to stand in one place and spin around. And I did try all of those things, but after the third day, I got dizzy. The solution was a bigger pad.
I decided to get on craigslist, being careful not to respond to any ads by serial killers. We’ve all heard the stories and I’m no statistic. So just to be safe, when I meet people from craigslist, I always chloroform them and go through their pockets to make sure they are who they say they are. You can never be too careful with internet strangers.
If everything checks out, when they wake up, I have a little sandwich for them, some coffee, and I’m usually massaging their feet or stroking their hair. People seem to like it. Those who don’t can’t be trusted and usually talk themselves right out of a sale. Most seem to understand that the straps are for their own safety and there’s no way I’m not using the straps, right? Right.
Anyway, I happened upon an ad for a mobile log cabin. It was an old RV that had been destroyed in a fire. Someone stripped it down to the chassis and built a cabin from landscaping timbers. It’s super cool.
I responded to the ad and after performing my customary background check, these folks seemed okay and they loved the sandwiches. I like to take a little horseradish and mix it in with the mayo. Makes all the difference in the world. And there’s no better way to get me to pay your asking price than by complimenting my food.
Because I’m thrifty, I still negotiated. Chloroform prices have gone through the roof and food costs are getting completely ridiculous. Lettuce just doesn’t grow out of the ground, you know. I can’t be expected to absorb all the losses here. I mean, I am the customer.
Long story short, it’s here and everyone loves it! It has a solar panel and a windmill that aren’t hooked up and even if they were, the windmill apparently requires hurricane force winds to spin. If I can figure out how to get the cabin to fly around when I’m not there, it just might work. It has no plumbing and also acts as the largest wasp trap in the world. I spend much of my time watching them fly back and forth, gripped by terror… it’s very relaxing.
I kid, because I do love it and now that I’ve built a bathroom/tarp holder and a kitchen/piece of wood with a fridge on it, I have everything I need (except a shower, but there are several of those in the facilities and I’ll eventually make a crappy one of those).
As I mentioned, I’m cheap, so I built a sink out of some stuff I had lying around. A bowl, a piece of pvc pipe I found, a hose and a camping stove stand. This would be an example of one of my naked building projects that have become so popular and feared.
Okay, and now… the inside of the cabin itself. If I weren’t such a masculine manly-man, I would say it’s simply adorable. As such, cute is the term I’ve chosen to describe it. If you do not agree, you’re not invited and will never get to experience one of my craigslist sandwiches. That’s your loss.
I call this room The Back. This is where I sleep, lay down, roll over sometimes, and from where I usually stare at the room I refer to as The Front.
As you can see, there’s a James Bond movie on the television, further solidifying the manly-man thing. I think this helps offset the variety of antiques I have scattered around, so I just keep the movie on 24/7.
The front is where I often spend time looking at the back. The space in between I call the space in between and the ceiling I call The Wasp Super Highway.
Well, that’s it. I’m sure you’re tired and sorry there wasn’t a tram or monorail or something. I’m installing one of those in a couple of weeks or so. I can’t be expected to walk from room to room. Like some kind of animal.
So when you drive or walk by, there’s a good chance I’ll be outside naked, jigsaw in one hand, an excited wave in the other, and one day you might even see me lying under a pile of wood and nails, hearing muffled screams of, “Call 911! Call 911! ”
We’re going to have some great times. I can feel it.
As I’m sure you are aware, July 4th weekend is almost upon us. And this past weekend was my birthday, so that’s two major holidays in consecutive weekends. I couldn’t make it for my birthday, but I’ll bet it was a huge bash. Then there’s July 4th, and I’m sure that will be almost as big (but probably fewer fireworks).
Check the site for details and I truly look forward to one of you eventually saving my life.