Happy New Year!

I apologize for beginning almost every post with an apology, but I’ve simply not been able to sit and put together a cohesive thought for(ever) months. I can go into details, but they’re pretty boring. The ones I make up  on the fly are so much better. Watch this:

I fought a bear the other day. A talking bear. With a magic staff that shoots lasers. And I’m thinking, “Man, isn’t it tough enough that I’m fighting a bear? I have to disarm it, too? Whatever.” So that’s what I did. He’s lucky he could talk. Otherwise, no mercy. New cub on the way… Okay. I get it. The irony is it’s his mouth that got him out of the same trouble it got him into. No one calls me that. The magic staff stays with me, bear. Now shoo!

Oh. Happy New Year! Can you believe it’s 2019 already? Can you believe how many times you’ve heard, “Can you believe it’s 2019 already?”

How I handle this question:

Person: Can you believe it’s 2019 already?

Me: Yes.

Then I start backing away slowly, doing that thing where I point at my eyes, point at them and whisper, I’m watching you. It kills at parties. Probably. I really only do it in one-on-one situations when no one else is around. Might be funnier if other people were there. I don’t know. I think it’s funny. And when you get right down to it, isn’t that really what matters most? I think so.

So I’m locked out of Facebook, but I still get notifications in my email about recent happenings at the park and see a wealth of people chattering about how great the holidays were at the Dip. As usual. And sure, it’s cold, but that doesn’t stop the fun.

In fact, the winter events are some of the best in the entire season. And there’s fire, a big hot tub, a sauna… Comfy warmth in all sorts of places is readily available, along with the other benefits associated with being there (which are many).

I would like to jump on FB and talk to people about it, but I can’t. Whenever I try to recover my account, I have to confirm my own identity by correctly identifying the profile pictures of my friends.

The problem is it’s been so long since I’ve been on FB AND MANY OF THESE PEOPLE I’VE NEVER PHYSICALLY MET. And they’ve changed their profile photo a million times since I last participated. AND some of them aren’t even pictures of people. Example:

FB: Whose car is this?

Me: I don’t know.

FB: Ok, This flower represents one of 500 random people. What’s his/her name?

Me: I don’t know. I’m starting to hate you again.

FB: Sorry about that. One more. Who is this minotaur?

Me: I’m going now. Please add a middle finger button. Thanks!

So I give up. It’s not like needing a driver’s license (yet). I’ll deal with it when it becomes so. Stupid FB.

Anywho, if we run into one another, it will be here or at the park. Facebook is dead to me.

With that, here is the calendar of events which is absolutely packed. If you’re looking for the perfect getaway and get a break from the winter doldrums, I can’t think of a better place to go.


Let It Begin


Right about now (and for the last several weeks), the crew is in preparation for what is always, without fail, a smash hit. The mad scientist (Stuart) is burning the candle at both ends, often locking himself away in his activities laboratory, vigorously concocting mad fun for all ages.

Are you ready for Summer 2018? Memorial Day weekend is upon us. Let it begin.

Several years ago we were in the running for a reality show at Serendipity Park. Stuart and I were recalling it the other day and for old times sake, watched what they call the “sizzle reel.”

The “sizzle reel” is what production companies use to get interest from networks and hopefully strike a deal. In our case, it was pretty close but not to be. In retrospect, I think that’s a great thing.

I hadn’t seen the video since shortly after it was made and when I watched it, I realized how special this place is and was reminded of the important role it played in my life. More than that, I realized that a show just might have ruined what is so special about it.

Tucked away in the mountains of Georgia is this little paradise where you can be even more free than you can in the most freedomy place in the world. For many that come here, it’s their little slice of heaven. An escape. A place to come truly be themselves with others who feel the exact same way. It’s as much about camaraderie as anything else.

Many reading this know what I’m talking about. Those who don’t have yet to visit. Is that you? Stop it. Stop doing that thing where you’re not coming here.

Wait. I didn’t mean to get all pointy and tell you what to do. I think we first need to identify what’s wrong with you. (I’ve been working on conflict resolution and how to better communicate with people. Watch this.)

So clearly you’re broken. It’s okay. We’re going to get you all fixed up. You’re probably one of those, “I’m right about everything” bla bla bla types, so we need to kick that out of you. When you all realize that I’m actually the one who’s always right, your delusion will crash and you’ll jump on the path of my choosing. (Don’t resist this. I, too, finally had to succumb to me and my rightness. It’s better if you don’t fight it. Trust me.)

See? Resolution 101. Boom. Now that we’re on the same page, go check out this page to get all the information you need to go. I’m sorry I had to single you out, but all the people that go to Serendipity already know I’m right. They didn’t have to go through that exercise (again.)

Anyway, I’m sure you feel better. I know I do. Next we’ll get into the “bringing me food” portion of your training.


Dust Off That Bucket List

So I’m watching the news and decide to change it because, as is always the case on the news, the world is ending. This disrupts all my plans for the day and I don’t want to hear it right now.

I then randomly hit some buttons and landed on CSPAN2. Huh? For when you can’t pack in all the excitement on CSPAN? Well, we are in interesting times.

So what are they talking about? Killer robots. Killer. Robots.

Back in my earlier blog days, I said this day was coming, but I didn’t mean it! Holy cow! It was just some jokes, people! I like movies! Stop it with the whole killer robot thing already!

I hope Will Smith and the boys are on this. And that John Connor hasn’t been eliminated by a Terminator sent from the future. (If I were a robot, I’d send one back every day. “Send this one to 1984, February 13th at 6:54 a.m., then send another one a minute after. And a minute before. You know what? Let’s send one every minute. Can we send 8? Let’s do that.” Ugh.)

Remember that bucket list? Get. On. It.

Here’s where I’m at with it. I don’t like taking out the trash, so I doubt I’m going to be much help. When the fast food restaurants close, I’ll be dead shortly after. (I wouldn’t advise eating me. There can be no nutritional value in what’s left.)

If you want to fight it out, get yourself an EMP and some big magnets. Guns only make them angry and heighten your threat level. Leave me out of it. If I can, I’m going to make a deal with them and turn on you. I’m telling you that because we’re friends.

But forget all that. We’re not there yet. I don’t think. Whatever. My point is, run around naked in the sun while it’s still shining! We’re going to have to take it out when the machines convert to solar power. Unless we decide to not become batteries.

I’m on the fence about that. It doesn’t sound a lot different from what I do now and I won’t even have to feed myself. Again, this all comes down to the deal I’m able to make when I turn on you. Until then, keep me informed on the location of the rebel base. I’m cool.

In all seriousness, remember that bucket list?

If you’re not alarmed, it’s just because you haven’t learned that something is an emergency when I become aware of it and notify you. Then you’re supposed to get on board and do what I want, which is go to Serendipity and enjoy yourself now before you’re kindly asked by piece of metal to get onto a bus for relocation to a “safer place.”

I’ll be like, “Yes, sir. By the way, I have some info on that guy over there you’ll want to know.” Then I’ll nod in your direction. Just play along and nod back. I got you.


Science Doesn’t Lie

February gave us a week-long preview of what will shortly be the norm, but right now it’s cold and I hate it. I can’t even fully extend my bird finger.  And since I’m currently in Florida, that means I can’t drive anywhere.

But with the approaching spring, my sites will soon be set on the Dip where I plan to spend some time. You see, I’ve been on a long, hellish work project for the last year and a half which has allowed very little free time. It could also be the reason my bird finger isn’t working so well these days. Overuse can really strain the body parts at my age.

Speaking of which, I woke up a couple of weeks ago and couldn’t read my phone. I thought to myself, “Boy, my eyes are sleepy today.” Then I wondered why everyone was writing in bar codes. Then I put glasses on and gave the universe the bird.

So now I have these damn glasses to carry everywhere. I’ve purchased and lost about 87 pairs. Of course, there is one pair I’ve been able to hold onto since the beginning and it looks like they spent a week on I-75. All twisted, scratched and mangled. I’m wearing them right now.

And you know those little clear plastic pieces that cover the sharp metal bits that stick into your nose? Those are gone. So I get to see, but I have to stab my face.

I just wanted you to know my sacrifice to bring you these words. I could be watching television. I can still see that without wrapping my face in jagged metal.

Speaking of TV, I really like it. My favorite part is how I get to sit there and do nothing while being entertained. Fabulous invention.

Speaking of sitting there and doing nothing, naked poolside sunning is also great for that. And guess what? We are only days away from this reality, as the cold is on its way out (with my bird chasing it) and the warm weather will be here to stay (unbirded by me for the duration of its visit).

But seriously. If you’ve never been to Serendipity Park (or any nudist park) and are thinking about visiting one for the first time, I don’t think it’s possible to find a better place to dip your toe into the pool. There’s a reason Serendipity members are now a 7 time recipient of AANR’s national award for outstanding friendliness. And it’s just so true.

At Serendipity Park, you won’t only find a a unique, relaxing, satisfying (possibly thrilling) experience, but you’ll find friends. Real friends.

If you haven’t yet visited the site to learn more about the park, you can do so here.

If you have visited the site, are reading this post and haven’t yet visited the park, come on, already! Science has already proven that people who listen to me are happier. *


*”Science” is the name of my hamster, but he’s really, really smart.






Merry Christmas! A Special Gift From Me To You.

It’s kind of hard to describe my life for the last few months, so I’m not going to. I despise things that are hard to do. Even kind of hard things, which are essentially half easy. And if I choose to look at it that way, I still don’t want to do it. (Sometimes I try Jedi mind tricks on myself, too. I think I’m immune. But I can move spaceships with my mind. Bring me one and I’ll show you. Preferably an X-wing fighter. Otherwise no guarantees.)

So what are you doing for Christmas? I’ll be having the flu. Just kicked it off today. I’m very, very excited. I’m hoping it will be as good as the one I had at Thanksgiving, which I only made it through because no one would honor my request to hit me with a hammer. If someone had, I wouldn’t be getting sick again OR having to Christmas shop. That’s some BS right there. Whatever.

I really don’t get it. I do all the right things. I eat, sleep, don’t drink water (or “bacteria accelerant” as I like to call it) and attack any foreign viral agents with a steady stream of nicotine and carbon monoxide. What can live through that? Certainly not me. I’m the most inhospitable host ever. I’d hate to be inside me. Just ask my kidneys. They’ll tell you.

All I’m saying is that I apply the science. Exercise is just mileage, people. I’ve only got so many items left in my life I can pick up. I refuse to waste those lifts on things I don’t need to carry somewhere.

Think about it. You and I might be in the woods and you break your leg. What if I can’t carry you home because I threw away all my lifts in the gym? I’m doing this for you. With that, Merry Christmas. (Boom. I just got something for everyone. Christmas shopping done.)

As a banner year at The Dip comes to a close, the promise of a great 2018 comes with it. Of course, the always epic New Year’s Eve party is almost here and followed by the always memorable bubble spa party. The fun never stops at Serendipity Park.

Click here for the Calendar if Events

I truly hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and the best 2018 ever!





Happy Birthday, Mom! (But They Don’t Want You To Be Happy.)

Some kids make macaroni art. I make sentences. Happy Birthday, Mom!

That’s right. And what did she get? Well, she got that sentence above AND her power came back on yesterday! Nothing says I love you like A/C in Florida.

Serendipity was also hit by crushing winds and power outages, but as usual, the crew, residents and guests came together to make the best of it. That’s just the Serendipity way. I’d rather be there without power than most places with power.

For example, yesterday I was at the Department of Driver Services. Full of power. Lights everywhere. Sucked.

I got there 15 minutes before it opened, and fortunately, only one other person was there. And by the time it opened, 20 people were lined up behind me. I kind of felt sorry for them. (Because I kept mocking them for being late. “Early bird gets the worm!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”  The guy in front of me was much more gracious, so I didn’t have to hear his b.s. I can’t stand a gloater.)

But alas, the excruciating 18 minutes I had to stand at the desk is over and I can go back to… to… Whatever I feel like doing when I feel like doing it, which isn’t a lot, but enough to keep me from doing things I don’t want to do. Life can be pretty exhausting.

For those who view me as irresponsible, lazy and undisciplined, I say to you, “You are very observant. Please make me a sandwich.” The ball is in your court.

Just kidding. You don’t have to make me a sandwich. Not yet, anyway. You don’t even know what I like.

Pretty much anything with roast beef, but not the pre-packaged kind. I like it cut off that big, glorious chunk of cow behind the glass.

It should also have tomatoes, but thinly sliced with love.

Onions are tricky. Too many and they overpower the sandwich. Too little and it’s missing something (more onions).

Lettuce? I’ll leave that up to you. It adds some color and texture, though I’m not convinced we’re meant to eat it. Scientists are wrong all the time and that’s one of my many bones to pick with them. (Mmmmm…. Bones.)

Lastly, condiments. This is very important. Oil and vinegar, a little salt, and of course, a healthy dose of mayo. I’d say about twice what the normal person eats.

Now that you know how to do it, you have no excuse not to. I’ll wait here.

(Elevator music…)

I see you’re going to be difficult about this. Whatever. I’ll make my own, but it won’t be the spectacular sandwich I’ve just described. That’s on you. I’d think you’d be a little more agreeable on my mom’s birthday. Few things make that woman happier than seeing me eat delicious, free food.

Despite your disobedience, I’m going to do you a solid. First, there’s still some time left for the lizard in you to bake in the sun. However, if you are more like me and don’t have an internal lizard that enjoys being cooked, now is your time of year.

Once the leaves start changing and the air turns chilly, in my opinion, there is no better time to be at Serendipity. It’s simply breathtaking, and there are plenty of ways to stay warm (fire pit, hot tub, sauna, roast beef… Pick your pleasure).

While for many the summer months are ideal, there’s something magical about enjoying a crisp, cool night fireside under the clearest sky you can imagine. Those are the kinds of moments you remember for a lifetime (like many you’ll experience there).

So now that you owe me for that whole sandwich debacle, the least you can do is go experience this. If not for me, for mom.







Total Eclipse (Of The Heart)

Several months back I agreed to something stupid that takes an enormous amount of my time. And I don’t even like it. Which means I spend a lot of my day doing things I don’t like to do.

Wahhhhh. Not looking for violins here. Too many of us are in this boat. More trying to explain why I’ve not been around as nearly as often as I’d hoped these past few months, because I know I’ve missed some of the best times ever (and people).

There was a time when I was a fixture at Serendipity. (A fixture that ate your food.) I had a real plan to live there forever, but stores and places like that still expect money in return for things. Whatever. I’ll figure it out.

The time I was able to get off this year was spent in Florida on some family business. If you’re planning a visit, you might want to bring some food. I’m pretty sure I ate most of what was there.

Did you catch Shark Week? That’s me in Florida. I just rush from cool spot to cool spot in search of anything I can put in my mouth that resembles food. I accidentally bit 3 surfers after mistaking them for seals. (The second and third really weren’t an accident. I had developed a taste for surfer.)

By the way, I do find it ironic that Shark Week seems to have the intention of educating me on why I shouldn’t be scared of sharks while terrifying me of them. They’ll explain how sharks are misunderstood. I think it’s because no one has sat down to talk to them. (Probably because they’ll eat your face.)

You see, I don’t think I misunderstand. I feel like sharks are thinking, “Food, food, food, food, food, is that food? Bite it.” That’s all I need to know. Thank you. All yours, sharks. I’ll go ahead and swim where you’re not.

And know where they’re not? That’s right! The pool at The Dip. Where this weekend they’ll be warming up for the total eclipse of the sun (and my heart because I won’t be there).

If you haven’t taken off Monday, do it! Tell your boss I said it was okay, and if he/she has any issues with that, tell them I’ll quit. Trust me. They don’t want a lose a man like me. You’ll be fine.

And from what I understand, the park is in the totality zone. Just think how many people will be looking at it, but how few will be looking at it while naked. Most couldn’t do that if they wanted to. (Take that, people in other public places that don’t allow nude eclipse viewing.)

Consider it a practice trip for the upcoming Labor Day weekend bash that’s guaranteed to rock your world. And when I say “guarantee,” I mean not in writing. (Except for that part where I wrote it, but I am insane and that will hold up on court. Not to mention how hard it would be to prove your world was not rocked. I’m just saying any guarantees expressed or implied are not that.)