I know that’s a big statement. “Nudist Frisbee Champion Of the World.” And it’s probably not true, but I can say what I want. No one can bring me down today, because I can say, if just for today, that I am the Kan-Jam champion (co-champion) of Serendipity Park nudist resort.
I should probably explain what Kan-Jam is, but I’m not going to. There’s a frisbee. You throw it. It’s awesome. And as I mentioned, I am champion.
My partner and I (co-champ, we’ll call him, for short) championed on in true champion fashion, the team we beat earlier in the tournament having an opportunity to take us out, but they would have to beat us twice.
Well, champions don’t let that happen.
I don’t like to brag, at least not while I’m alone in my cabin. It’s a total waste of time. What’s the point of bragging if you can’t see people fake being impressed by you? I’m a realist.
We could also talk about Petanque, a game that’s kind of like bocce ball, but I lost in the first round of that game, so I really don’t want to talk about that.
At one point, I thought the frisbee and I were one. It was inspiring. Seriously.
To those who lost, you played well and only could have been beaten by true greatness.
See? I can be gracious.
In all seriousness, I had a blast! Even when I lost at petanque, which I will one day master and be champion.
See? I have goals.
When I do win, I’ll be back here to brag about it some more. And when I lose, you won’t hear about it. This is why having your own blog is the best.
I know I can’t talk about how awesome I am forever. I’m almost done. Hang in there. I appreciate your patience.
At one point, it was as if the frisbee moved in slow motion, like I was in the Matrix or something.
Okay, okay. I got lucky. My partner was in the zone, like a frisbee ninja. A frinja. Or nisbee, perhaps. I don’t know. He was on fire. I give him at least 49% of the credit for the win, is what I’m trying to say. I’m no glory hound.
Remember when Michael Johnson became the fastest man in the world? It was kind of like that, but I wasn’t wearing gold shoes. I’m pretty sure my whole body was glowing, though. The Victory Aura, they call it. I had that. I might have been floating, but I can’t remember because I was in a meditative competition trance I go into.
I’m not a competitive person by nature. It’s really only when I play things against other people.
After my stellar mastery of the frisbee this weekend, I can only assume the buzz around town is that I’m on some kind of performance enhancing drugs. Whatever. They are NATURAL SUPPLEMENTS that my doctor prescribed me for… nutrition and stuff. It’s science. I wouldn’t dare tarnish the institution that is Kan-Jam nor would I compromise the integrity of the sport that is now my passion in life. You can print that.
Do you think I should have my own grill or has George Foreman done that to death? A juicer? Maybe a juicer that also cooks meat and… makes beer. Everyone would buy one of those. I’ll call it “The Pieminator” and it will probably shoot lasers, too. I don’t know yet. I’ll draw up something tonight.